This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize