I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
