No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you had me at cake vodka
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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