You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
