Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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