I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize