Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize