i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We left the knife in your bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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