and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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