Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We had sex on a dog bed..
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
