My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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