He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
