well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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