I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
