i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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