The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
