sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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