My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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