I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
