dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
