hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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