bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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