I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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