I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
