I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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