I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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