So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
