TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
