I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
