First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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