she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
