Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
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