This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
