Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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