No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
