Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
