You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Are my feet made of real feet?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
