yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
