we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
