We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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