I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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