Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
