Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
