Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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