i just wanna soil my oats bro
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
