Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
