I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
