Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
