I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My dick has a subreddit
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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