Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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