the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Two words: blizzard sex
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
