I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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