actually, I'm a sock model
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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