that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
