Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize