I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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