You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
