considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
