Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
