I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
4 words: hood of his car
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
