I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
