I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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