Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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