I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
