So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
