wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
