Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
